A Matt & Jules Diagloue 

J: "That's mean!" 

M: "He did arrange to pay the child support into a trust fund, luv." 

J: "He didn't even want to acknowledge the child."

M: "At first, yes, he didn't want to admit paternity. I do watch the Maury shows where women claim there are only two possible fathers for their baby, but the DNA test shows the baby was fathered by a third man."

J: "Yeah."

M: "Luv, he was the one who initiated the paternity test....Don't you folks know how to brew Darjeeling tea properly?"

J: "No."

M: "I noticed."

J: "But he insulted her when he had to be dragged into court."

M: "How did he insult her?"

J: "He didn't want to acknowledge his child."

M: "I explained it a bit earlier. Are you of the opinion that a woman automatically knows who fathered her out of wedlock child?"

J: "If the relationship has been exclusive, yes I do!"

M: "I'm afraid I don't understand women very well as you're confusing me." 

J: "Errrrrgh! I don't think I phrased my thoughts right. He insulted her when he implied that she was unfaithful during their relationship."

M: "Ah, yes, well that thought would have a definite impact on her."

J: "That's what I mean! She felt her reputation was damaged."

M: "So she didn't want to accept his child support."

J: "Exactly."

M: (to the waiter) "Um, no. I'll try hazelnut coffee."

J: "No more tea?"

M: "Not until I can find a decent tea shop."

J: "I've been thinking."

M: "That's new."

J: "Seriously! Just give me a listen."

M: "Anything for our embryos. I am the sperm father, you know."

J: "No need to be sarcastic."

M: "Yes, luv."

J: "Seriously, I think she should have accepted the child support."

M: "Why?"

J: "So she can zing him."

M: "Zing?"

J: (to the waiter; then to Matt) "Another green tea ice cream...See, she needs to get sweet revenge on him."

M: "You women seem to have a need for revenge."

J: "When the situation warrants it."

M: "Then, what's the plan?"

J: "She accepts the child support."

M: "You said that already."

J: "But she's already a wealthy woman."

M: "Luv, you're not making any bloody sense at all. I think the ice cream has gone to your head."

J: "See, she said she realized how expensive the child support bill is for him and that she doesn't want to accept the child support."

M: "Correction. She is refusing the child support."

J: "Which will go into a trust fund for the child because while she can refuse gifts to the child, she can't refuse child support."

M: "Correct. He'll get the accumulated child support funds when he turns 18."

J: "But she can zing him good if she accepts the child support."

M: "Luv, please eat some bread. There's too much sugar in your blood."

J: "No! Seriously! She's wealthy and by accepting the child support funds, she can then donate the child support to a charity for single mothers."

M: "Not a bad idea but aren't child support payments supposed to go for the benefit of the child?"

J: "Yes. They can tell her she can refuse to accept the child support and the funds will go into a trust fund."

M: "So, since she can obviously support the child quite admirably, she can accept the child support, commingle the support money with her own funds, then donate a hundred thousand pounds a year to charity."

J: "To benefit single mothers. In American grocery stores, they sell gift cards, including gift cards for their own grocery stores. Do British grocery stores have the same thing?"

M: "Probably Asda sells gift cards one can use in any of their grocery stores. They're part of Wal-Mart now. 

J: "Then the charity could purchase gift cards and distribute them to those single mothers who don't have the benefit of a child support check."

M: "The charity could purchase a host of gift cards...for clothing stores, appliances, toys..."

J: "See? That's the beauty of the plan!" 

M: "Sounds a bit devious. Do you think it's legal?"

J: "Since his support money is going into a trust fund, she's paying for the child's expenses out of her own pocket. If she thinks that her son would learn a valuable lesson by donating a hundred thousand pounds a year to charity, that's her right."

M: "You're saying that the law can't specify exactly how to spend the child support, just that the child support needs to be paid."

J: "Well, yeah...That's right."

M: "Sounds like a good plan."

J: "I know."

M: "Jules?"

J: "Hmm?"

M: "You do remember that I am the sperm father?"

J: "Of coruse I remember!"

M: "You know also I am the beneficiary of a trust fund my Granda set up."

J: "I didn't know that."

M: "Father gets 75% of the income and I get the rest. Until Father dies, that is, then I come into full ownership."

J: "What's in the trust?"

M: "A few flats in Belgravia. A country house in Surrey. Seventeen thousand shares of IBM." 

J: "Seventeen thousand IBM shares?"

M: "Granda bought a large chunk IBM in the 1950's. Stock splits."

J: "Why are you telling me this?"

M: "Did you want me to pay child support?"

J: "We never signed an agreement did we?"

M: "No."

J: "There's such a thing as post-nuptial agreements. Sperm bank donors don't have to pay child support. Surely we could work something out. "

M: "You didn't answer my question."

J: "No. I wouldn't ask that you pay child support. This was my decision. And I'll get a legal document saying so."

M: "What if I want to be a part of the child's life?"

J: "I'd allow that."

M: "But you don't want my child support."

J: "I, uh, I seem to be contradicting myself, aren't I?"

M: "You are. I'm willing to pay child support."

J: "But you already have a trust. Can't you add any kids' names to the trust?"

M: "I'm a beneficiary of the trust. I can't add anyone else to the trust, nor can my father add anyone else to the trust. After my father passes on, then I gain full control of the trust."

J: "So, you'd have to set up a child support trust anyways if I refuse the child support payments."

M: "That seems to be the case, yes."

J: "How about I make the statement that since I asked you to donate the sperm, I don't expect child support but that at your discretion, you'll pay into a trust fund. The embryos haven't been implanted yet."

M: "We're having a circular argument as we have arrived back to the original discussion about child support."

J: "That we have...I, I am at a loss for words."

M: "It's a bit different when it's us...(to the waiter) Check, please."

J: "Tell me. The things I get myself into."

M: (to Jules, then the waiter) "I'm in this too, you know...Keep the change."